DIEP Flap Surgery Postponed Indefinitely

Today is Claire's 4th birthday.  I was up late decorating because that's my love language.  I totally nailed the "rainbow and gold glitter" theme.  There's a gold backdrop, gold confetti, gold streamers, and a 9 foot jumbo rainbow! 

I should be reveling in my birthday planning success, but instead I got a phone call that my reconstructive surgery is postponed indefinitely due to COVID-19.  Seton hospital won't reserve a spot in the ICU for me in case they need to accommodate coronavirus patients.  I saw this coming but I'm extremely frustrated that I missed the cutoff by only six days.  I already did my pre-op appointment, my medical lift recliner is on its way, and my parents just drove 19 hours so they could help out after my surgery.  I am insanely jealous of my cancer buddy who had her reconstructive surgery a few weeks ago.  Tissue expanders are uncomfortable and are designed to be temporary.  They also have a magnet inside, so I'm unable to get any MRI or PET scans until after I have reconstruction surgery.  And now, instead of turning 40 with a new and improved left breast, I will enter this decade ugly and unsymmetrical.  I can't even go out and celebrate.  I'll still be stuck at home, clinging to my last roll of toilet paper and homeschooling my children. 

When I got the call, I cried for maybe the fourth time in this cancer journey.  Then I placed an emergency delivery order with the local liquor store.  I gave up alcohol in preparation for surgery, but at this point there's no reason to stay healthy.  I might as well go out and lick a shopping cart.  (Don't worry, I'm not really going to do that.  I care about flattening the curve and the at-risk population.  I'm just venting.)

Now I have to go drown my sorrows in birthday cake.